Yesterday, I finally worked out how much weight I’ve lost in the last two and a half years, from my previous soul-numbing existence as a desk-bound commuter to my current infinitely more pleasant life as a peasant smallholder.

I knew it was quite a lot, as I’m still wearing the same belt. But 30.5lbs (13.9kg). More than half a sack of cracked maize. Or two-thirds of a bag of potatoes. Or 30 bags of sugar. No wonder my old trousers look so ridiculous.