I don’t know how long I’ve had it. I don’t even know how rubbish it is compared to the latest thing. But the fact is, my mobile phone is dying.


I get brightly coloured Damien Hirst-alike vertical lines on the screen, instead of the picture of The Daughter and Boy that should be there. (Not that Hirst’s work is necessarily beautiful – not that he even does his “work” – although I did like the diamond-covered skull – her indoors thought it was crap.)

Everything should die beautifully.